Waiting...

 My nephew was diagnosed with cancer 5 years ago.

I felt my heart stop as air seeped from my lungs. It felt like I'd never take deep breaths again.

And then they opened him up. A 10-year-old, weighing in at less than 60 pounds. 

Neglect kills. 

And the cancer was like nothing they'd seen before. 

So they closed him, made some calls, and came up with a different action plan.

I felt like I was being squeezed on the inside. 

It was the waiting. 

Waiting for bad news. More bad news. 

Waiting for test results. 

Waiting for surgeries.

Waiting for a miracle.

Bracing for the alternative.

Refusing to accept any other alternative.

Dear God, we need a miracle.

And after numerous procedures and countless treatments, it was gone. 

Thank you God for a miracle!

But it wasn't over.

More internal squeezing.

We had to wait for side-effects.

Waiting for present ones to disappear. 

Waiting for future ones to suddenly appear. 

And after almost 5 years since the beginning of this madness, we're STILL waiting.

There was a dark spot on the last scan. 

The grip on my organs tightens.

Now we're,

Waiting to rejoice.

Or waiting to grieve.

Waiting to relax.

Or waiting to fight.

Waiting to return to normal.

Or waiting for disruption.

Waiting to be grateful for a miracle.

Or waiting for another miracle.

I'm so sick of waiting.

May I never pray for patience again. 

Just fix it Jesus!