Tuesday, October 17, 2023

A Prayer for Stillness

 The last time I was here,

I was running.

If I stop, so do the wheels of my life.

But my life is not my own.

I've surrendered myself to the will of God,

Through Jesus Christ.

And He wants me well rested.

So that the message goes forth.

The devil uses distraction to disconnect us from God.

Lucifer doesn't want us to hear the voice of God.

So he uses our greed, pride, and (mom) guilt.

To make us feel like we should constantly keep going.

But in the words of Encanto's Luisa, it's all just surface pressure.

We should be growing, 

And evolving

From within.

Homes, cars, and electronics have no use in the grave.

In heaven.

Or hell.

When I die,

May this sin sick world declare,

My love for Christ,

Through my compassion for,

And service to,

And grace applied,

And mercy granted,

To His children.

May those who knew me.

Proclaim that I walked in my charge,

Regardless of naysayers,

Regardless of pain,

Regardless of exhaustion.

That I was rested enough.

To answer the call, 

God Himself, 

Placed on my life. 

This is why I will actively seek stillness.

So that my wants, desires, and attitude 

Are NEVER louder, 

Than His voice.


In the name of Jesus,

Amen.

Tuesday, October 10, 2023

Running...

 I've grown to dread getting out of bed.

Doing so forces me to go, 

and not stop,

until I return to bed.

There's always meals.

Always laundry.

Always chores.

Always lessons.

    Planning, preparing, presenting.

    Assessing. 

Always budgeting.

    Make and maintain.

    Get groceries.

        Have you seen the prices of GROCERIES!!!

Always someone needing me.

    My husband needs me for everything.

    My daughter needs a little less.

    My calling needs a little more.

Always managing and monitoring my health.

    PsA sucks.

    Lupus sucks more. 

Always in my head.

    What are we running out of?

    What do we need to learn next?

    How many clean uniforms does my husband have?

    When was the last time I cleaned the fridge or oven?

    Am I caught up on my reading? My writing?

    What's the weather for today?

    What subscriptions are due? What other bills?

I'm overwhelmed. 

All of this running is exhausting. 

Dear God,

    I need a moment.

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